I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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