I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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