I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
this boner is exhausting
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
