I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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