The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
