she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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