life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
