Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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