i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
wow bdsm is so cute
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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