The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Randomize
