Do you still have your period?
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
