yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Randomize
