I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
