I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
