3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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