id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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