you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
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