i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize