my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
