Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
