my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
