I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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