the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize