If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
