Where are you?
In a non slutty way
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
