Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
MIDGETS
????
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
