we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Randomize
