dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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