youre lurking in front of me
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
