i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
We're using joints as your birthday candles
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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