one two three fourrrrnication!
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
