I want to have your abortion
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
