Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
