the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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