it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
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