Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
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