garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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