Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
