WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
