I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
organizing the empties. That sober.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
why is half of my head shaved?
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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