He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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