if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
