he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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