Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Drunk is a universal language darling
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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