Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
