just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
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