Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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