new low.... made out with someone while peeing
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
