i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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