...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Non-Jews are for practice
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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