guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
i need to put some appletini on your dick
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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