Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
