he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
