I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Randomize
