it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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