We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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