I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
