is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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