Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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