Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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