I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
