i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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