The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
