chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
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