the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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