those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
