I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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