I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
you're hired as official boob wrangler
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
