omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Randomize
