I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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