i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize