big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Randomize
